I have managed to destroy a weekend by ignoring a single word placed in my path: “vulnerable”. The worries that should have been non-existent arrived camouflaged as anxiety and anger. Why? Because I chose to ignore a thought that had been planted a day (maybe even two days?!) ago.
I detest the word “vulnerable”. It doesn’t look pretty and the meaning scares me to death. To be vulnerable, you have to be willing to let someone else have control over you and you have to be willing to open your heart up to hurt. Yeah. Soooo. That’s a “no thanks” from me. Why in the world would I ever give anyone that power again? How could I make that shift?
In my past, being vulnerable meant allowing someone else to control me and my actions (even my finances). If I deviated from “approved” ideas, then I had consequences to face. Asking permission was never big on my list of fun things to do as an adult. Yet, I did it. Why? Because it was survival. <eyeroll> I clearly needed to open myself up to learn how to be an awesome human. </eyeroll>
I’ve allowed people in my past to exploit my vulnerabilities and use them for their gain. Not cool. However, in my mind, I know that Christ would never corrupt those areas of softness, but would use them only for His gain and to build my faith. Never for evil. Yet it’s still absolutely terrifying.
Why would a person like me, who has struggled to rebuild her life and earned success, be eager to adopt a position of weakness? On paper, it makes no sense. In theory, it’s also a ridiculous notion. However, in real life for a walk with Christ, it’s necessary.
Even though we know God wants to use us for His glory and needs us to follow His plan, we struggle with displaying any weakness. We practice appearing brave. However, when we are tossing out those false signals of bravery, we are missing His calling. Then we complain about how He doesn’t love us or how unfair life is to us.
The reality: we have to be still in order to hear His voice. We cannot be still if we are trying to show everyone how brave we are every second of every day. In order to hear what He wants for us, we have to submit our hearts to Him. God will never harm us. He will use us only for His glory, but He WILL give us what we need in order to sustain and elevate us – IF we choose to allow ourselves to be vulnerable to His will.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships,in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (NIV)