I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I’m vulnerable. I’m scared.
I saw my surgeon today. While I’d prayed for a great visit filled with happiness, unicorns, and butterflies, that was not the case. Sigh.
He’s not overly concerned, but he definitely feels there is room for improvement in my healing process. Splendid. I’ve done everything I was told to do. I’ve been careful. Yet I’m still in this spot wondering how to fix the issues.
So….. If you don’t know me, I’m not patient. By “not patient” I mean really impatient when I’m healing. Not my strong suit here. “Slow down.” Huh? Yeah. Whatevs.
Over the past two days, I’ve seen Romans 8.31 (“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us,who can be against us?”) more times than I can count. I’ve heard Chris Tomlin sing about “Our God” being for us several times, and even back-to-back. I’ve been intrigued by what point God wanted to make.
While I was on the phone with my mom, it hit me: I broke down asking what I’d done to deserve this stuff. Why was I being punished? I’ve done whatever I’ve been asked to do! Surely someone else could handle this because that someone CLEARLY was not me at this moment. While I pondered these thoughts, I had some random messages in my head. When I called a dear friend, she reminded me that I am more than a conqueror. God is with me, even when I don’t realize it. He isn’t punishing me. Her words: ” He isn’t punishing you. You’re being tested.”
Wow. What a great perspective for my trials. Rather than assuming our God, who is full of love and mercy, was judging me and punishing me, my friend’s words made me shift perspective to realize that He is with me even while Satan was testing me. There is something within my being that the enemy wants to prevent me from realizing. By being friends with others that share their faith and remind us of God’s promises, we are able to remain strong in our convictions as well. We are able to affirm our place in His Kingdom. We can conquer all who come against us if we rest in the faith.
Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us,who can be against us? (NIV)