Soooo…. Funny story…. (Not haha-funny; timing funny). And an epiphany.
I’m divorced. Duh. Single mom of two amazing offspring, who may sometimes push me over the edge, but I love them. Really. Truly. I do. Like, beyond all reason, I love my kids. Even when they are plotting my death. Anywhoooo….
My focus has always been the kids. There is no secret there. It’s been a given. My son has told me he wants me to date and my daughter has indirectly mentioned it as well. That being said, I sort of need to like the dude as well, and – well – I’m a bad chooser. Baaaaad chooser.
At any rate, I have always blamed myself for lack of a significant other. It’s my fault I’m single. It’s my fault I choose poorly. It’s my fault, it’s my fault, it’s my fault. Blah-blah-blah. Hashtag: blameStef. Whatever.
So over the past week or so, the Lord has been working through a lot of healing that needed to happen in my sleep. As I told a friend, I wake up in the morning with something to ponder rather than something to beat myself up about. I found this meme as I was scrolling across the interwebzzzz:
So, also as I asked a friend, what IF:
- I am not single because I am a horrible person?
- I am single because someone needs me to be single?
- I am single because God is working within us both to make us BOTH worthy of a relationship?
These questions are vastly different from the timid answers to the other questions I have harbored in my mind over the past several years. I asked, “What did I do to remain single?”, “What man would ever want me?”. and “Why does it even matter?” Never once did I consider that maybe God was waiting for me and my future significant other to be ready at the same time. That kind of floors me, actually.
So many changes have occurred over the past couple of years, especially over the past year. Changes that have shaped me and changed me. What an incredible journey, and it isn’t over yet.