I love those moments when I think I have my life together. All 45 seconds of them. I savor them – and then I return to my chaos. I return to my crazy fairly easily most days because my (formally diagnosed) ADHD kicks in and my unmedicated brain rushes off to the next priority. This is my reality.
Most days, I revel in the insanity of the day. I mean, it’s my world. What’s the saying? “They know me here.” Oh yeah. Fer sher.
So most days are chaotic, hectic, and demanding, but I have adjusted well to this little piece of paradise. Overall, anyway. But there are some days…. Weeks, even….
Every so often, there is a series of days where just getting out bed and putting on pants seem impossible. Everything is a challenge. The chaos is crippling. The insanity clings to me the same way my sweaty, overweight thighs stick to a plastic lawn chair on a late-July day in Ohio.
The worst part of those days isn’t the crazy stuff, though. It’s the unshakable feeling of being alone. Everyone seems to pull away, no one reaches out, and no one seems to even remember you’re alive. Or so it seems.
Take a quick ride on the crazy train with me, won’t you? First stop: Lunaticville. All aboard!
Picture it. Ohio. 2018….
Desperate for human contact, you text someone and you never get a reply, so surely you must have done something bad. If you do connect, that pal never notices you were in a bad place. Now no one wants to talk to you because everyone must know what a horrible human being you are, so grabbing the Halloween candy and eating your weight in carbs must surely be the answer.
When you wake up the next day, you realize irrationality is not your best look, so you decide to live today in the moment and not accept the lies. Your determination is set! You’ve got this! Then your teenager has a meltdown because their favorite hoodie never made it to the hamper and is dirty, so that downward spiral begins again. Now your friends are not only avoiding you – you’re also the world’s worst mother. Clearly. Yay.
As you sob uncontrollably on your commute to work, you decide that work at least comes easily and things will be fine. You dive in with a fake smile on your face (#fakeittilyoumakeit, right?), only to be chastised for things you didn’t do by multiple people. By lunchtime, you’re numb. Done. Dead inside. You head home and crash from exhaustion.
Sometimes these days play on a seemingly endless loop. One bad day after another. Other times, they are isolated incidents. What remains the same is this fact: we have all been there, friend. All of us. Probably in the last 24 hours, as a matter of fact. Some people hide it better than others, but we all deal with this crap and we all lose our shhhh…tuff. I’m a go-big-or-go-home kind of gal, so I don’t hide my loss of sanity well and tend to just let it fly. I like to remove all doubt that my sanity is on shaky ground. I’m working on that part. #dontjudgeme
When we realize we have all been to Crazy Town recently, it becomes easier to reach out to others. Most of the time, people sincerely have no idea what you’re dealing with because they are dealing with their own version of insanity. But, sweet friend, believe me when I say they truly DO care!
When a sistah realizes you’re hurting, she will drop her remaining marbles to help you find yours. She will gather you in for a hug that melts your heart and leaves no room for doubt that you are loved, valued, important, special, and cherished. She will grab your hands and pray with – and for – you. She will look you in the eyes and tell you you’re full of it and buying into lies.
When we lower our walls and allow people to see who we are and where we are – especially in our brokenness – love rushes in. Love unapologetically, uncontrollably, forcefully floods into our hearts and fills our souls, reminding us of God’s grace that enters the same way. We do these things to show the Father’s love to one another. We build each other up and remind our sisters of their purpose. We are invested in each other’s lives because we understand the struggle.
Be a blessing to someone today. Reach out to someone you haven’t heard from in a while. Let them know when they cross your mind. Remind them of whose they are, and how important they are to you.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NIV