Complete exhaustion + endless lists of tasks + many missteps = mental shutdown.
Welcome to Voidville, my little slice of MEHven. You try to emote, but you just don’t have anything left.
Today started off pretty well. I lost 3 pounds. I got a great night of sleep. I drank lots of water. Ate well. Stayed within my guardrails. Then found out I actually gained weight this week.
And that, my friends, is where I lost my mind. Somewhere amidst the stress of life and career and healthier lifestyle, I ended up back in my own head. Apathy is an ugly thing.
To add to my stress, it’s my birthday week and I always struggle this time of year. My birthday was never a reason to celebrate as an adult, so I actually hate my birthday week. Some felt it was an inconvenience, so I learned to despise my birthday. That habit stuck.
So when everything is piling on during a minor-milestone birthday week, I think you get a pass on being petulant and whiney. And numb. So very numb.
I let myself get totally exhausted over the past couple of weeks and the joy (codeword for stress) of life has been overwhelming. Now I’m picking apart everything I have said and done over the past two weeks to critique my words and actions. Such a fun place to be tonight. *sarcasm*
Yet, in the midst of the turmoil on my drive home tonight, I turned on the radio and three of my favorite songs came on back to back. First, “Scars”, by I Am They:
“Darkest water and deepest pain
I wouldn’t trade it for anything
‘Cause my brokenness brought me to You
And these wounds are a story You’ll use“.
Followed by “Who You Say I Am”, by Hillsong Worship:
“Who am I that the highest King
Would welcome me?
I was lost but He brought me in
Oh His love for me
Oh His love for me“.
Finally, Lauren Daigle’s “You Say”:
“I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know“.
To say God was trying to get my attention would be a massive understatement. Where I had been shutdown, now I was revived. No longer numb. No longer stuck in MEHven.
Friend, He doesn’t care about our mistakes or failures or shortcomings. He cares about us. He wants us to run to Him and allow Him to tell us who we are. He doesn’t want us to find our identity in the human world. He tells us we are His. He loves us. Comforts us. Goes before us. Fights our battles.
Why, then, should I allow a bad day to dictate who I am or my level of success? How would a scale somehow correlate to my worth as a person? Why would a comment taken totally out of context indicate that I am unworthy?
Whatever you are facing, God has it under control. He is your strength and salvation. He is your shield. He is the author of truth and love. Look to Him. Do not allow the world to give you an identity or to proclaim your worth. Do not allow the world to overwhelm you to the point of shutdown or paralysis. The Kingdom needs you.
The enemy pushes these buttons to try to gain ground, but – spoiler alert – he loses the war.
My sweet friend, we have a Savior who willingly went to the cross for us. He died knowing everything about us and He still thought we were worth the sacrifice. When we remember these facts, it is impossible to remain in Voidville. He revives our spirits and stirs us to more than MEHven. He invigorates us and encourages us to lean into Him.
“The Lord your God is going ahead of you. He will fight for you, just as you saw him do in Egypt. And you saw how the Lord your God cared for you all along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now he has brought you to this place.”
Deuteronomy 1:30-31 NLT
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
Ephesians 6:12 NIV