How many times have you second guessed your decisions? How many times have you lived in the past and kept replaying your mistakes? How often have you contemplated giving up on your dreams because you felt like you were unworthy?
I am my own worst enemy. My worst critic. I will find every flaw in myself. Even when I do something well, I can imagine that it was disastrous. I will make something up if I have to. I am the queen of self sabotage.
The good news is that I don’t (usually) wallow in the mess these days. I realize what I’m doing and catch myself. In those times, I recall what God has said about me and I discard the rest. ‘Tis but a hiccup in my day.
When I wonder how and when I got this way, there isn’t a single event that provides an answer. I always had a perfection complex. I was always competitive. I always wanted to be the best. But I wasn’t. Instead of shaking it off and moving forward using the lessons I had learned, I beat myself up.
These days, I know who I am in Christ. I mean, I know, but I don’t always remember. At least, not right away because I still have the struggle. I just bounce back a lot faster.
I think of the person I used to be and I am astounded at how different I am now.
When I decided to follow Christ, I surrendered myself to Him. Sanctification began, even though I didn’t notice it at first. It was a series of small changes that made the transformation virtually undetectable to me. But others noticed it.
They noticed joy where there had been sadness. They noticed hope where there had been despair. They noticed peace where there had been chaos. They saw grace where there had been shame. They noticed Jesus.
Friends, if you are on the fence about following Jesus, I beg you to read the Bible, listen to online sermons, and reach out to others. You will find a peace beyond anything you could ever imagine because you will become friends with someone who loved you enough to die for you. You will learn about unconditional love and forgiveness.
God takes the ruins of our lives and restores them. He uses our brokenness to reach others to show them that they are not alone. He creates beauty from the ashes.
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—”
Ephesians 2:8 NIV
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”
Isaiah 43:19 NIV